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Summer 2010

Pets at Work by Alex the GVH Cat

I have decided to write this article in order to correct a cruel misconception which seems to be common among the clients of GVH- namely that I am a good-for-nothing cat who does nothing but laze around the practice, get in the way at the reception desk, knock over the liver treat containers in an attempt to secure their contents, and annoy the poor sick patients who come through the front door of MY practice.

 

The fact is that GVH is not only my home- it’s also my place of work. I am part of a grand tradition of animals whose lives are devoted to the service of humankind. Just take a moment to think of all the animals who selflessly sacrifice themselves for the sake of you ungrateful humans. Guide dogs, year after year leading their blind owners through the maze of modern urban life. Hearing dogs, letting their owners know each time there’s a knock at the door. Delta Society dogs, visiting nursing homes and hospitals to bring a little cheer to the patients. Military and police dogs, placing themselves in danger, even in the line of fire, on a daily basis. Customs dogs, having to spend hours at the airport and relying on finding a stray banana or cocaine stash just to secure one measly liver treat. Monkeys trained to fetch and carry for their wheelchair-bound owners. Cows, day after day providing you with milk. Sheep dogs, herding the flock into spaces no man could possibly convince them to negotiate. The trusty St Bernard, digging through metres of snow to save the life of some silly skier caught in an avalanche. Pigs with outrageous French accents, digging through the forest floor to find truffles for your fancy omelettes (supplied, I might add, by hard-working chooks). Some of my working colleagues drive themselves into the ground purely for you entertainment- racehorses and harness horses, for instance. And who could honestly claim that Rin Tin Tin, Lassie, Mr Ed and Inspector Rex were not infinitely more talented in the acting department than their human co-stars? And, leaving the best until last- just think of what the mouse and rat population of the world would be without the efforts of my feline colleagues? It is also a well-recognised fact that cats were personally responsible for the elimination of the bubonic plague from Europe-not that anyone ever bothered to thank us. Most importantly, the companionship we provide you with is simply beyond words- even mine.

 

Face facts. We animals work our paws to the bone for you ungrateful wretches. GVH simply wouldn’t be able to manage without me. If it weren’t for the Alex Efficiency Initiatives (instituted on a regular basis), nothing would ever get done around this place. My presence at the front desk is intended purely to keep an eye on things and ensure that the phones get answered promptly- at least occasionally. My services as a computer repairman are in great demand- I’m called on to spread my body over at least one person’s keyboard on a daily basis. As for the solace I provide to the patients who are feeling poorly- well, sometimes I don’t think any of them would make it successfully through their hospitalisation without the comfort and succour I provide. And it’s not just the patients who are nervous when they’re here- sometimes their owners are even worse; if it weren’t for my ministrations they’d probably fall to pieces completely. The simple fact is that I am the Backbone of GVH, and it’s time I received a little consideration and respect. Just remember that- and all my working mates- the next time you see me around the practice putting in an honest day’s work.

 

Yours sincerely,

Alex the Cat